“Give only to those that love you back”
I often see this well-meaning advice given in empath and personal-growth circles, and while I recognize that most of us need to set boundaries in our giving, I believe this can be a self-defeating attitude.
I would change that to … Set healthy boundaries, and sensible limits. Give for your own sake, and without need of reciprocity, if you can. Forgive yourself when you can’t. Don’t be afraid to say “no”. Many people are keeping a giving ledger in the back of their heads, and it can be crazy making, not just for them, but for their loved ones as well.
Most of us are really trading, rather than giving. I will do these chores, but only if I get the right kind of approval. I will do you a favor if you will do the same for me some other time. I will love you if you love me first. Then we wonder why, on this planet of wounded souls, that we are let down again and again and again. Once we let go of the need for approval or reciprocity, only then can we know the joy of true giving.
When you are feeling that old resentment, ask yourself: Did I give because I wanted to? Or did I do something I didn’t want to do because I was hoping for a pay-off? If the answer is the latter, then ask: Did the person I was “giving” to know there was a quid pro quo in my mind? Often, they don’t know. They “should” know, but they don’t. One of the good boundaries then is to make your expectations clear. Tell them. I will do these chores, but I expect some day you will do the same for me when I am in need. I will love you, as long as I feel loved in return. If your reaction is “I could never say that!” then you know the expectation isn’t entirely fair. If you can’t say it, you don’t have much of a relationship to start with, and you may want to think about walking away.
Ask yourself: Do I really want to do this thing? Is it a reasonable request? Will I feel joyful and enthused by doing this, or will I feel resentful? The answers to these questions will tell you a lot, not only about your relationships, but about your own motivations and expectations.
I still catch myself having that burst of resentment sometimes when I give and it isn’t acknowledged. But I have noticed that I can’t reach that person, but I will always reach someone, if only myself! If I get nothing more than the good feeling that comes from sharing my gifts, I’m ahead, no matter what they make of it. And since I’ve started thinking this way, I have noticed that I notice more people giving to me. Often it’s total strangers who help me out when my loved ones fail me. What goes around does come around, and the more attention I pay to that, the happier I am, and the more energy I have for giving.
Today I was scanning some of the empath discussion groups and someone mentioned a negative feeling they sometimes get from a particular item that came into their possession. Antiques and used items do carry a lot of energies from their travels. Strong emotions can be imprinted into them, as the laser imprints music into a CD. Many antique stores get their items from estate sales, and they can carry extremely heavy energies as these are often due to a death or other difficult circumstances.
Whenever I get something new or used, I do an uncording on it to release any previous energies it may have picked up. Uncording “things” is a lot like uncording people.
If I am uncording crystals, and wherever possible, I will pour salt on the item and leave it in the sun for a time. I shower the item with white light and golden sparkles in my mind, then imagine any cords of connections going back to any previous owner(s), with my blessings, thanks and love. I affirm all previous energies are released and forgiven, and then dedicate the item to its cause or purpose in my life. If I can’t think of something, I simply fill it with an intention of broadcasting peace, love and healing.
I need help. I have been told through all my life that I block my gifts and that this is the reason for all of my problems. I sometimes feel like I am going crazy! I pray hard on it and I had a dream that said this last night “He is a fool who has gifts and ignores them for he will never be where he should be in life.” My problem is, I have NO IDEA how to turn them back on! Can you help me?
Wow, that is awesome! That is some of the wisest and deepest advice I have heard come out of a dream. You are so blessed! I love when I have an answer come that clearly in a dream. I would start with an expression of gratitude for your guide, angel or higher self, whomever sent you this amazing gift of love. The Law of Attraction says that gratitude is a huge factor in getting more of what you want, and I want more wisdom like that, don’t you?
The greatness of that gift is also evidence that you haven’t turned off your spiritual gifts altogether. The truth is that nobody ever really does, even those of my readers who most desperately want to. The best we can truly achieve is to stop fearing it, to accept it … or to ignore it. Even when we can do that, it’s like putting a kink in a garden hose … eventually that energy starts leaking out, and sooner or later something will burst into a watery, emotional mess.
I have done the same thing you did. And for a while, I really felt like I had shut it off, but the ironic thing was once I got to that spot, I felt lost without it. After attending LifeResults though, I reconnected with my intuition, and my spiritual and creative gifts have been stronger than ever. The people I normally connect with, I seem connected to in deeper, more intimate ways. Those I did not connect with before, or who were harmful in my psychic space, no longer have much effect on me. The LifeResults class isn’t aimed at psychics, it is a personal growth seminar, but what I learned there was more helpful to my psychic growth than any of the psychic lessons or mentors I have had. If you can’t get to that class, one of their facilitators James Roswell Quinn has written a book (first edition edited by yours truly), and any of the teachers of “The Secret” and might offer some value (though their classes are pricey). What I know now was that the trouble wasn’t that my psychic gift was out of whack … my attitude was.
Once I discovered I had a choice how I react to things, so many other things fell into place on their own, including my relationship to my psychic abilities. My book is called “Living With Your Psychic Gifts” and not “Turning Off Your Psychic Gifts” for a reason. Really what I have been advising people to do is not to block their gifts entirely, because, as you have learned, that isn’t healthy either, but to bring themselves into balance and acceptance with it. Still, the focus has been on “turning things down”. That’s why I am working on a follow-up book. I finally have a new title, thanks to my friend Chris Cuciurean, called “Listening to Your Intuition”. I hope you will subscribe to the blog or my mailing list, so you will learn of it when it comes out. In the meantime, the key is to start listening. Start paying attention. And ironically, for the most part, not all that different from the advice I give to people who are trying to block their gifts. The two most important are: Meditate daily, and keep a journal of your experiences – especially of your dreams.
Lately i’ve had some problems. See i knew i was psychic since i was 7 yrs old. But i had some issues with it because it goes off and on. I’m really proud of having this gift but i have this problem that i will only see bad things coming in my dreams. Also i saw a spirit once. And i believe my house is haunted. Anyways i need help from you to tell me how i can expand my visions and see positive things too. Thank you for time, and please answer me soon,
I wouldn’t worry about it going on and off like that, that’s common. It happens to all of us. A couple things jumped out at me when I read your post. Did you notice how you don’t say “I”, you say “i”? It’s a way of making yourself small. That is out of harmony or coherence with the pride you take in your psychic gift. Is there a part of you that doesn’t feel you deserve to have “good” visions too? Do you spend a lot of your time worrying or fearful in general? The important thing regardless is to stay positive. When I first had my experiences, they were mostly negative too. I was terrified of them, and my fear drew even more negative experiences my way. Doreen Virtue tells people to ask their angels for help and I think that’s a terrific idea – ask your angels or pray that you be given only those visions that are in your best and highest good, and when you get the odd negative one, don’t dwell on it, just journal it and let it go. Over time you will find the visions change and get a lot more positive.
As for the hauntings, they usually happen when something bad happens in a given place. They are very rarely actual spirits. I call common hauntings “imprints”. It’s not a conscious spirit, it’s the energy of that person, their emotional imprint, but it’s only very rarely a sentient being with awareness. The best thing to do is to meditate every day, to regularly ground yourself, and to keep a regular journal of these kinds of experiences so that you can look back on them with more clarity in the future.
Ed Dames is a well known “prognosticator” and teacher of Remote Viewing. I’m not a big fan of “predictions” in general, nor of Dames in particular. I do think he has some useful techniques like his “timing protocol”, and an over-all reasonable record of accuracy, but he unnecessarily exaggerates that accuracy.
Dame’s timing protocols are what he was using to time the “kill shot” event, his prediction of a solar flare disaster. He said a shuttle event would take place first, then within days the kill shot. So when you see “Event A” you will know that “Event B” will follow close behind.
I argued that the protocols were about 80-90% fulfilled a few years ago. It’s just he doesn’t accept them because the earth wasn’t in fact destroyed. Almost everything else he predicted though *did* indeed happen. But if Dames were to admit that 1) he wouldn’t have a nice juicy apocalypse to keep getting back on radio to hype and 2) he would have to admit he was only partly right. I wonder what he’s saying now that the shuttles have been grounded? Haven’t heard much from him since then.
I don’t think it’s so bad to admit you got it 80-90% right. I also don’t see anything helpful in scaring the crap out of people over events you say they cannot change (which Dames does quite often). He’s adamant that he’s always right, something that would trouble me even if 1) he was always right, which he hasn’t been, 2) he wasn’t taking a dime and 3) everything that he said was sunshine and Kumbaya.
If he was truly avoiding the “doom” label he wouldn’t go on the air every six months like clockwork with another horrific prediction then tell people there is no avoiding it, I’m sorry. I don’t buy the victim act he puts on when he’s pressed about that. He has a choice whether or not to keep pushing this time line back.
True, fear motivates people … for good or ill, and overwhelmingly mostly for ill. I don’t know what he’s supposed to be motivating us to do since he’s said the “kill shot” will wipe out 90% of the population and there is nowhere you can go to avoid it. Seems to me he wants to motivate us to buy his CDs. I would have no issue with that if he wasn’t using fear to do it. He’s still hawking CDs and “safezone” maps on his web site(s) as far as I can tell. Though tellingly, some of the prices seem to have dropped considerably.
I’m also concerned about the cult-like following he seems to be amassing. They all seem to get the same results, and Dames claims special status for that. He suggests if they are all getting the same result, they must be connecting to “Source”, and thus this gives them more credibility. They have a track record, no better or worse than any other group of remote viewers. And they see things the other groups do not.
The one common factor is these people train with Dames. It seems obvious to me that teacher influence can account for the homogenized results he’s claiming, especially with regards to the “kill shot”. I have worked in similar groups, and it becomes obvious that the groups are psychically tuning into each other or to the leader of the group. Double-blind isn’t applicable to psychics! (laugh) I remember one “informal” survey I did where no less than a dozen psychics told me I would marry the same guy and they were all adamant he was not gay. Darlin’ he was as gay as it gets. They were tuning into a zeitgeist of their own making. I’m comfortable assuming that’s what’s happening with Dames’ students.
I am not one who believes people must be spiritually pure to be accurate psychically. I have known too many dysfunctional, alcoholic, side-show psychics who could nonetheless blow you away with their accuracy. And like Caroline Myss, I know plenty who don’t “OM”, eat meat and live very secular lives yet have terrific intuition. Nor does having this ability automatically make one spiritual. It’s a normal human talent, like art or music. Some folks are better at it than others, but it’s a gift God offers us all, regardless of our spiritual intent. There are lots of people getting away with abusing it, unfortunately. Of course if you are out of harmony with yourself, that may affect your judgment, but that’s a psychological process, not necessarily a psychic one, imnsho.
Finally – any public figure is fair game for criticism. All I am calling for is for people to do their homework and use their common sense before they follow anyone’s teaching – and I include my own teaching in that statement.
Solar Flare Image By NASA – http://trace.lmsal.com/POD/images/arcade_9_nov_2000.gif, Public Domain, Link
I am a Ugandan born minister but ministering in Bungoma-Kenya. My main call in the the ministry is prophetic and I surely deal with curses. Please I want to get more on this.
In my experience with curses, the main mechanism of transfer is fear. Sometimes the person who thinks they are cursed has experienced something negative, fears it will happen again, and starts looking around for a reason why that happened. They may assume they have been cursed when in reality, either their own reactions have brought on their troubles, or sometimes they have simply had some bad luck. Other times, there is someone out to get them, and in many different cultures there are different rituals people can do, but again, the mechanism that is most effective is to simply tell the victim they are cursed (or drop some hints about it that they are sure to catch), and let their own fears take over.
I firmly believe that no one can curse someone who is walking in the Light. If I am firm and confident in my faith, I raise my energy to the point where their negativity simply can’t reach me. We need to convince people that the most effective thing they can do to avoid or change a curse is to be happy, joyful and courageous. It’s possible that through their faith in you or me that people could have their curses lifted for a time. If we do some kind of ritual, this could boost their confidence. If they have faith in our abilities, then maybe the curse can be lifted. But all we are doing is handing over a temporary fix. The next time bad times come along, they will come running to us for relief.
Personally, I feel it is important that people take responsibility for their own happiness, and I choose to empower them by insisting that they can take care of curses on their own. Everything that you can do to empower people to have self-confidence and courage will not only lift their curses, but will bring more joy into their lives and the lives of their loved ones, and I strongly believe that’s what life is all about.
It can be quite distressing and disruptive to the family if a sensitive child is seeing ghosts or sensing psychic trouble spots. Don’t get fussed yourself about the experience. It’s a normal everyday life experience for many people. Treat it as such. If you don’t get freaked out, it’s much less likely the child will react in kind. Don’t be over-impressed either. This is a normal human experience, it is best to treat it as such.
I’ve seen many parents over-inflate the ego of a sensitive child, leading to social disasters later on. It can also lead to a lot of pressure being placed on a child. I don’t remember who told the story, but one of the “big name” psychics on the Coast to Coast show told a story of being dragged from one funeral after another. She took it well, but some children might resent being put on display like that.
All the standard psychic protection steps that apply with adults also apply to children. You just have to reach them at their own level. One of the best methods I have heard was to get a spray bottle, put a sticker on it with “Magic Ghost Juice” on it, and fill it with distilled water, some glitter, maybe a drop or two of food coloring, and a few drops of essential oil (lavender is usually a good pick). If you really want to go all out, drop in a few rose quartz crystals. Then spray it around the room with a flourish and say something like “By this spray, I make all spirits go away!”. Give the bottle to the child and let them spray at will.
If the spirit or energy in a place is particularly heavy, you might want to do your own more serious “Ghost Clearing“. Out of sight and hearing of your child, of course.
I’m often asked “Do you believe in curses?” I believe in psychic attacks and a curse is just a ritualized psychic attack. The thing is, often times “curses” are nothing more than a ritualized threat, and they have no real psychic power behind them. It’s the fear of the victim that gives them power in the end.
The subject of curses often comes up in the context of fraudulent psychic readings. A client visits a psychic and is told that there is a curse on their love life, health or finances. They are offered a fee to remove this “curse” (and the fee can be in the thousands of dollars). If they don’t choose to pay for the “removal” they may be threatened, subtly or overtly, that things will get worse. A curse on top of a curse. This kind of thing is fraud, in most areas it is against the law, and it has no power that you don’t give it.
Sometimes people actually are the victims of deliberate or accidental psychic attack, and this can act in the manner of a curse. The same psychic protection remedies that I recommend for daily “psychic health” work well for dealing with curses. Uncording, Grounding, White Light, and Love Bombing (bless those that curse you) are the most effective. I would also add small bowls of salt around your home or property, scatter bay leaves through the house. Certain crystals can help (no clear crystals, white quartz, hematite, and rose quartz are best). Anything that boosts and clears your energy, like neo-selentite orgonite, or plasterite can help. But the primary way to deal with a curse is a positive attitude, and a good sense of humor. “Curses” feed on fear, so do everything you can to starve them of fear. Light a white candle, and remind yourself that you are safe and loved. Pray, meditate, or watch a funny movie until the fear passes.
Plasterite is an alternative to orgonite that has many benefits. The ingredients are non-toxic, and it is easy to mold and paint! You can make your own plasterite, and I will be adding a tutorial to this page, but for now, I recommend you search “platerite” for many online tutorials. I find I like the energy of plasterite better, myself.
My plasterite pieces are hand painted, designed and intended to invoke specific energies. They can be purchased on my art site at http://www.bjasmine.com/galleries/nfjoys/(and I welcome custom commissions).
Grounding is the simplest and most overlooked psychic exercise. It involves re-connecting to the earth or the ground, so excess energy can be diffused. The psychic grounding process is nearly identical to the electrical grounding process.
If you are able to get outside, simply bend down (remember to bend your knees) and touch bare earth. Occasionally you will feel an actual discharge of energy or a feeling of release. If you wish, you can imagine or visualize a cord of energy traveling from the centre of your body to the centre of the earth. This can also work if you cannot get outside.
One of the main symptoms of being ungrounded is feeling “scattered”. You may also feel anxiety, and in extreme cases, electrical sensations in the arms or torso. If you feel such sensations, immediately dip your hands and feet in cold water. If you find you suffer from being ungrounded a lot you may be a hyper-sensitive. It is a good idea for hyper-sensitives to avoid alcohol, tobacco, drugs and vegetarian diets. A small amount of meat and large amounts of legumes are good for grounding. If you feel you are ungrounded, avoid clear quartz crystals: wear onyx or hematite instead.
Keep in mind: it may take weeks of consistent grounding before you begin to feel better, especially if you are particularly sensitive. Any psychic work you do, any emotional trauma will make you feel ungrounded again. This practice is something you must make part of your lifestyle. There is no “quick fix”.